When I found out I was pregnant with my fifth child, I was overwhelmed. I felt alone, which was made worse by the fact that the father and I had agreed to break up if I kept the child. I just didn’t know if I could handle another baby.
So, I started calling around. I’d never had an abortion before, and I wanted all the information I could get. What did the procedure actually look like? What would I experience? When would it happen, and what were the risks?
I still remember how cold it was when I walked into the Human Coalition clinic that January for a consultation. They led me to a private room, where I was able to have a one-on-one conversation about all of my options. Little did I know that Jillisa, the staff member I was connected with, would be a close friend to me throughout my pregnancy
We sat and talked about how I felt, what an abortion would entail and all of the other options available to me. I left feeling completely informed, finally in control, surrounded by help and nonjudgmental support. I felt at home in that clinic. I felt heard.
I knew when I left that I could keep my daughter. I knew I had allies. I had a village to reach out to when I needed support. And I knew that with their help, I could find the resources I needed to raise my preborn child.
That was my biggest need in that moment.
I didn’t need someone to perform an abortion, no questions asked and no explanations offered. I needed someone to sit down with me and explain all of my options. I needed someone to be a friend. I needed someone to tell me I was capable, and to make me feel heard.
I still keep in touch with Jillisa. If I’ve had a bad day, if I’m just in the area, if I want to have lunch, I reach out to her. You don’t expect a true friend from these types of situations. But I made one.
So, if you find yourself where I did, start by finding someone who will thoroughly and patiently explain all of your options. Know what an abortion means, and how it works. Know the risks, and the recovery time.
Take the time to explore your other options, too. I didn’t know there were groups specifically for moms to support other moms — but Jillisa and the staff at the Human Coalition pregnancy center connected me with one. Eventually, those moms threw me a baby shower.
The fact is, I didn’t know about most of the resources they connected me to. I had more options than I realized — I just had to ask for help.
And I also discovered that, when I was first considering an abortion, it wasn’t what I ultimately wanted. Rather, I just didn’t want to feel alone. I wanted to feel I had support that could help me look forward to welcoming a baby. This pregnancy center provided me with that support.
I knew when I left that I could keep my daughter. I knew I had allies. I had a village to reach out to when I needed support. And I knew that with their help, I could find the resources I needed to raise my preborn child.
If another mother draws anything from my story, I’d hope it would be comfort. I hope that my children and my life and all the fear and sadness that has come with it at times is most importantly a reminder to other women that they are never alone.
You deserve protection, support and a network of relationships that will uplift you through every season of your life. But you don’t just deserve it — you can receive it. It can become real for you.
You just have to ask.
